Stuck between I wanna love someone and I'm better off single

 I want to love someone,

I want to feel the care and being care,

I want to laugh together, Cry together,

Share both interests,

Calling and texting telling them how's your day was.

But love is a war,

Love can bring you down,

Love can make you insecure,

Love is hard when you the only one truly love,

Love is pain when it's one sided love,

So is it better off being single?

Love is a beautiful feeling to be in. But no feeling is more than your self worth. Work on your betterment. The right person will find you at the right time, irrespective of whether you expect them or even if you are hopeless.

Mindset or Heart beat

At first I fall in love with that guy for a moment but then I try to change my mindset. 

I keep on believing and hoping that both of us can only have that sibling relationship only.

He will and always be a brother to me. 

I quite surprised that when you slowly change your mind to hold your heart,

it's actually really work when you want to forget that you love someone.

Maybe mindset more  power than your heart beat. 

Maybe you can change your heart by your mindset.

Or maybe not...

Hopeless

Her smile keep fade away, 

She try hard to fake her smile,

But she laugh painfully.

She felt sorry to the one that she love.

 so she keep pushing them far away.

She  try to love someone,

but she keep end up hurting him,

so her heart  broken.

She feels unloved,

She feels unwanted,

so she cut herself and smile,

as she see the blood drain with blood,

like a summer rain.

She never feel pains when she cut herself,

instead she feel the joy to end her life slowly.

She trapped in a world with false hope,

A world of hate and lies,

A reality become a nightmare,

haunt her also in her dreams.

Tonight she sleep,

She waiting for Peter pan to hold her hand,

To bring her to the promise land,

A paradise called Neverland.

you the one that broke my heart

  We were like sibling that depends on each other. People always say we bickering like husband and wife. I have known you seen we were kids. I remember at my hometown when we were kids; you said that you will always protect me. You make my grandpa laugh when you said you want to marry me when we were kids.
  Being teenagers has changed us a lot. We has come to the stage where we easily fall in love. We had started puberty. We always have the feeling of curious and always want to try something new. I was your first love as you said that time. I feel so shy when you said it and when you kiss me; I got the feeling of falling in love with a friend that I know since kid turn into my lover. That time when a boy turn into man and a girl turn into woman.
 You broke our promises. Life comes and attacks me when I least expect it. You broke my heart. It hard to accept what you saying. The words "let's broke up" really hurt me that time. I wondering who that girls that take you from me. My life then full of anger, I been drowning with bad attitude. You turn me into bad girl. You change me so much since that day. I didn't know how my life turns out and I can’t avoid how hard it was without you. I just face it without you and get more hurt.
   I was foolish by your love. I was afraid I can't live without you. Since that day I’m trying to forget although it was really hard. It's like every day I'm trying to avoid you. It was painful. Until one day...
  One day, you wanted to see me. I'm saying that I was busy but you leave me with a message “I hope you will success in study and live better without me. I wish I can be with you but actually I can't". I didn’t understand what it means, so I ignore it.
   My life gets better as what you said. I'm making myself busy with study and other things.  As time passed, my feeling towards you has fade away. I completely forget you. My mum say you were sick but I ignore it as my ego was so high. I really mad at what you did to me so I think that you deserve a punishment.  I got news from my family that you been in hospitals for 3 months but still at that time I didn’t have the feeling of sympathy to you because of the pain losing you in the past few year. Until one day when I know you were died but that day I didn’t get a chance to see you because I was not at that place.
  A few days later yours girlfriend call me. She explains about all of it. Suddenly tears come out from my eyes, I’m asking myself why does this happen??Why you did this to me?? After all this time you lie to me. You said you didn’t love me but the truth you didn’t want me to feel sad when you gone away, right? You trying to make me feel comfort and can focus in my study, the reason, the truth has been revealing. Why??
   After a long time, after me hardly to forget you, you make me feel guilty leaving you alone with the pain inside your heart. I never knew that you can hold that pain so long and I never knew you did it because you love me so much.

   If only if I can go back to the past where I should have known you were sick, I wish I can be with you until the last breath. How can I do it to laughing again, crying and falling in love again? You were lonely.  Your friend the one that you make as a fake girlfriend said that what you wanted to see that I was live happily without you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it. What I know right now there are no other guys that can replace you from my heart.

Our bucket list

I wish I can go back time and we do this together..I wish that time I knew you were sick and spend more time with you..I wish you were the one that protect me and be happy with me..so I make this bucket list for what I wish we could done in the last 3 year..
1.watch movie
2.karoeke
3.pg jungle trekking
4.berbasikal
5.one day at theme park
..I miss you..����

Truth

Why is the truth is hurt than a lie .
It hard to tell the truth.
It hard when the truth I'm really sad but I cover with a fake smile.
I never thought that I still miss you.
I miss you really like crazy.
But I try to live this new life
Without you...without you..the truth I still like you..truth..

My bucket list

1.  Busy
2.win in netball.
3. Meet new friend.
4. Stay alone.
5. Active in church activities
6. Active in faculty activities.
7. One day  outing alone.
8. Record 20 book borrow..
9.  No couple.
10. Target 3.5 above!!!